Flashmob-prob

From Aberystwyth to Mianus people seem transfixed by the prospect of turning up in a place at a time. But this is a stern warning to all you ker-razy flashmobbers out there. Take care, it’s a bad bad world.

Wherever there’s groups of young, naïve, wealthy, bored, fashionistas to be found, scum of a different sort are bound to be close behind. FLASHMUGGERS!!!

We spoke to a flashmugger (Dave) and he told us “It’s simple, just turn up at the arranged meeting point, and hand out a load of fake instructions, these suckers are so hyped-up on their own coolness, that they’d believe anything. The key is to make the instructions totally gay”.

“Oh and don’t worry if loads of journo-twats turn up, their cameras are worth shedloads” he added with a chuckle.

The Sting

Once they’re all assembled, doing whatever stupid thing you’ve told them too drop a heavy-duty net to trap ‘the prey’. Once you’ve got a writhing mass of people, just keep your eyes peeled for the loot.

The Loot

Common items worth snagging (apart from cash) are:

• iPods - look out for white headphones (the music will be nonsey-shite so delete it before you try to flog it).
• hair styling products - some of these buggers spend upwards of $60/£40 a day on keeping their hair wonky
• retro-trainers – they may look like the shit-caked embarrassments that you wore for gym lessons 20 years ago, but they’re worth packets
• stashes – most of them will have a bit of ‘personal’ on them, all adds up…

When we asked Dave what god-fearing flashmobbers should do, he had this to say “Don’t turn up, you’ll think you’re cool now, but you’ll feel like a twat in a couple of weeks. Especially if someone nicks all your stuff”.

We’ve changed Dave’s name to protect his identity (even though he doesn’t deserve it, being that he’s a scumbag and everything).

email: info@flashmugging.com